So truth be told - I am here because my last company is...well...I can't really say how I feel because my fucking severance agreement says I can't. So I will just let you decide for yourself.
Picture this - you are home, 6 weeks into your Maternity Leave with your second child and you get a text from your boss. Now, let's put this in perspective for a second...you have just had your second C-Section, and all your drugs are gone, so you are starting to feel the actual effects of being cut in half and pulled apart to get your 9lb kid out. Your kid, whom we will just call Buddha Baby eats like 17 times a day, for like 45 minutes each time. Ya. So you feel like one of those pigs you see at the state fair with like 12 piglets sucking on them constantly - and your nipples feel like they are going to fall off, or you wish they would because then you would be out of this misery. So that is where you are at...you are a human dairy, whose sole excitement is binge watching Netflix and Amazon Prime because you can't actually move from the feeding zone spot on the couch. I know there are Mommies out there that know what I mean...nipples unite.
So, back to the story. You get a text from your boss one day, 6 weeks into your Maternity Leave, and since this isn't the first text that you have gotten requesting something, you say "Sure, how about at 9:30". You ask if there is anything you need to prepare, and they say "No". You go on with feeding the baby, while the other kid, that would normally be at school, runs around because you are to drive to visit some family today and you kept her out.
At 9:30, with the PreSchooler babysat by Nick Jr, and the infant on your boob, you get a text saying that you will be called by the Boss and the HR person in 10 minutes. Uh oh. WTF could that mean? Well, for sure it is just to tell you about your friend that you heard was let go. For sure that is what they are calling about.
15 minutes later you get a call, infant still feeding off your boob, and you are told that there has been a reorganization, and your position has been eliminated. You will not be given any more details at this time, since the rest of the team hasn't been informed, but thanks so much for all your hard work. You are so lucky we are telling you now while you are on leave, so you can find another job. Have a nice life.
I'm sorry...whatthefuck? There are so many things wrong here, you can't even catch yourself. First of all, on what fucking planet would telling somebody they have no job while on maternity leave be a favor to them? You know what would be a favor? A wet nurse, a nanny, and a keggerator of Goose and Soda. A job loss - um no.
As the conversation continues, the Preschooler is running in and out of the room screaming that she wants a different channel, and Buddha needs a new boob. You try to hear about details for severance and everything else, and yet, you can't, because the pitch of a 4 year old is like the most annoying white noise you have ever heard, that sort of just blocks everything else out.
So here you are. Fat, sore, half-naked and unemployed. Awesome. Oh, and you are in physical therapy because carrying BuddhaBaby damn near killed you. So ya...this is great.
It's 4 months later, almost to the day, and I got my severance package about a month ago. I have been job searching, but it is hard. I am contemplating what I do next. I can't afford to keep my kid in daycare with no job, and I can't justify being a stay at home mom - because I love my kids too much. So...I decided to start blogging. Not sure if anyone will listen, don't really care. Just need to get some of this shit off my chest and vent.
So, welcome to Mommy Drives a Turbo. I hope you enjoy the show.
Foul mouthed, outspoken and pretty much an eternal realist.