A Wish for my son, on the first anniversary of his birth. Yes assholes, this post is two weeks late, but at least I am doing it - screw you and your judgements. Oh, and Piercey - sorry Little Man, this is going to be printed out and added to your book because Mommy is too friggen exhausted to write a separate entry - when I live to see your ass graduate from grad school you will thank me for saving the extra 40 minutes to sleep off all the sleepless nights you have provided me in your one year of life. You're welcome.
So Piercey - in my 40 years on this earth I have learned a thing or two - and quite frankly, I am still learning, will most likely never stop. I struggle, just like you will, to figure out where I fit in, what I can do better, and how I can make an impact. I doubt myself everyday - and then find myself telling my Ego to Fuck Off - it's an internal struggle, and ya, I am pretty neurotic (don't worry, your sister got the crazy lady gene - it's sort of a thing with the women in our bloodline - we're all nuts - congrats for being a boy). Every minute I have to remind myself how incredibly blessed I am, because it is so easy to get caught up in all the day-to-day bullshit that you can lose sight of it all. Honestly buddy - it's hard growing up, and newsflash, I don't think you every really do. You are constantly hiking up a big hill - but at the end of the day, regardless of how hard it is, every little thing, is gonna be alright.
So on your first birthday, I wish you the following in life (some of these I need to remind myself of too):
Ok, so that's it. Basically I want you to be more than I have ever been or could be. You are going to be amazing Little Man...and I hope to God I am here long enough to see it. I love you. Good Night.
I would like to start out by saying, Happy Mother's Day to every single woman on the planet, and NO, I don't give a shit if it is un-PC. Here's the deal - every single woman has, or will have, mothered SOMETHING in her life before she dies. Sure, some of us have human kids (although at certain points in their life we may wonder if they are alien) but you don't have to have those human kids to be a Mom. I mean, I know in my lifetime I have mothered at least 3 boyfriends - hell, I am raising a Husband today - not to mention the kids I actually gave birth to.
And what about all my PowerChicks? Not all of them have human babies, but all of them are currently mothering someone - mostly Furry. Take OnPointe for example, she has two dogs, one helpless and one a total asshole, that she treats like royalty. I keep special towels at my house for when they visit - cuz I don't want Condor like talons digging through my couch cuz they have never laid on a floor in their life. My kids already make it that I can't have nice things...I honestly don't need someone else's kids fueling the fire.
Then there is MaterialGirl - I swear to Heaven that she cooks gourmet meals for her dogs - they eat better than my kids, no joke. I honestly think when my kids get old enough, they may ask her to adopt them. She would give her dogs a kidney if she had to.
BabySis has to friggen mother two kids, and a husband! If her oldest was slightly less ADHD in training, he might actually be easier and less of a pain in the ass then her husband. I love him to death, he is my brother in law - and very few people can put up with my Sister's crazy, but geez - I would possibly drop kick him on occasion if in her shoes.
The point I am trying to make is that all women should wish all other fellow women Happy Mother's Day. The last few days have been agonizing for me. You can't say "Happy Mother's Day" because you don't know anyone's individual situation. Do they have kids? If so older? Younger? If not, did they try? Do they not want them? In either case, you lose if you ask, so you simply say nothing at all. And quite frankly, that is BULLSHIT.
Whether you are a mother to Humans, Furrbabies, Deadbeat Brothers, Work Bosses, Co-Workers, your InLaws, Outlaws, or Reptiles - it doesn't fucking matter. You are a woman - you are cultivator of life - yours and anything you come in touch with. So you know what, Happy Mother's Day to you...ALL OF YOU. Rock on!
So let's talk for a moment about "appreciation". This week is "Teacher Appreciation Week" at school. What does that mean? Basically it means that every day of the week (yes at our PreSchool it is all 5 days, not just once during the week) is earmarked for some sort of gift for my children's many teachers.
Now, let me pause here for a moment and say that I value and appreciate every single one of the teachers that care and teach my children. They are saints, no doubt about it. I couldn't be a functional working mom without them - and for that, I am forever indebted. Honestly, I feel I should buy them all a Wine of The Month Club subscription, because if I were them - I would go home nightly and throw back a couple bottles.
That being said, the structured and silently mandatory week full of gift giving is freaking unbelivable. Basically, every day of the week is earmarked for a diffrent gift. Monday=Flowers, Tuesday=Relax (aka spa/bath items), Wednesday=Sweets, Thursday=Personal Note, Friday=gift. Yes, because apparently everything you take Monday through Thursday is not a gift - they have to tack on a Friday gift day which is a suggested mug or gift card.
Now, if my kids each had one teacher, that would be a piece of cake. BUT NO! Each kid has at least 3 teachers. So basically, teacher appreciation week is five days of gifts for 7 teachers!! That shit adds up quick! Let's do the math for a minute.
Monday - Flowers: $20 - Well, you can either buy 7 Sunflowers for like $3 a piece, or buy the dozen flowers for $20. I opted for $20 - looks better taking two flowers anyway.
Tuesday - Relax: $35 + $10 Have you ever tried to buy 7 bars of gift soap - it's ridonculous. I have opted to buy a 24 variety pack of bath bombs that I will repackage into candy bags and gift accordingly. Of course, it won't come out even, so one class room the teachers will get 2 each and the other the teachers will get 3 each. I haven't decided which is which - I am going to see who pisses me off more this week and give them the dime bags.
Wednesday - Sweets: $30 Ya, so what am I going to do, buy them each a candy bar - no. Women are as particular about their candy bars as they are their tampons - you just don't buy those generically for each other - it's weird. So, since we are out of Valentines and Easter season, when you could purchase little cheap boxes of Whitmans, I opted for the favor box full of Hershey's kisses. But again, you need to buy like at least a dozen boxes, and then a bulk bag of kisses...assembly is required...bastards.
Thursday - Personal Note $Priceless - it's like 30 minutes of my life while I dicate every letter to my 5 year old so she can write a personal note to three teachers. The Infant Room teachers for my one year old will be getting a very generic thank you from me.
Friday - Gift: $70. Ok, so again...the whole fucking week has been gifts - but wait! There's more! So, when you think about giving $10, that is all fine on a teacher by teacher basis, but when you have 7 to buy for, that shit adds up to $70! I mean, that's like half a cell phone bill. My ass is cheap - it kills me every time.
So grand total = over $160 cash, and then all the time it takes to organize and put this shit together. You can't exactly walk into the room and start throwing bath bombs and kisses at them. They need packagiang and transport.
So here's where it gets worse. Not only is there a silent requirement to give gifts all week, but then you have the pressure of what other moms are going to give. Now, I personally don't really give a shit about that noise - fuck what the other moms think. But for some of my friends, namely Overachiever and PinterestQueen, that struggle is real. They stalk Pinterest and figure out the best presentation of the gifts, and then put in countless hours creating the best gifts in the room. I mean, at the end, they are magnificent - no doubt about it - thoughtful and lovely, but seriously, for them, it must be maddening! The pressure to be as good if not better than the other gifts being dropped in the room is friggen outrageous. Honestly, when all is said and done, the idea of the appreciation is lost in all the pressure to just do it well.
What we need to get back to is the spirit of the week - appreciating the men and women that care for our young all day, most days of the week. We need to drop the pressure, and the drama one week out of the year and simply just say "Thank You" every day. While giving gifts is a great gesture, let's teach our children that you don't have to have an occasion to give thanks - you just should at any time. And we as parents need to fess up to the fact that we SUCK at appreciation on a daily basis. We need to step up and be kinder to the people out there raising our kids. And that isn't through flowers and bath bombs and notes and giftcards - it's simply through every day kindness. That is what appreciation should be about.
Foul mouthed, outspoken and pretty much an eternal realist.