Is anyone else out there just as fucking terrified as I am? Not about anything in particular, but just everything? I think my whole life stems around fear - and I wish I could kick my own ass and tell my head to shut the fuck up. I wish I could simply just BE...and from that, be happy, be content, be present and be ME.
I am pretty sure I spend the majority of my time in my head - doubting my abilities, worried about what people are thinking, dwelling over what COULD happen with my job, wondering if I should be someone I am not...it's fucking maddening! How many times do I need to tell myself that I can only be who I am, and dammit, that is good enough, before I start listening? I think I must love to be psychotic, because I sure as hell love to live in my personal drama 24/7.
All this being said, I realize that my self-talk is so terrible, I wouldn't say it to my worst enemy. I am also very aware of the fact that if I ever heard my daughter saying any of these things to herself, I would jump on her like stink on shit and change the energy. So tonight, I am going to try to give myself advice I would give my daughter.
Honestly, this shit is so hard for me to live, I don't know what else to say. I give great advice...but I very seldom follow it. And with that...I am going to go wallow in how bad this post is...and go to bed. Good talk.
Foul mouthed, outspoken and pretty much an eternal realist.