It's official...Amazon may be worse for your cupboards than Costco, and the addiction to buy from it runs deep.
You see, I am a recovering Costcoholic. Once upon a time, I used to think that buying 17 toothbrush heads, or 9 jars of peanut butter for the low low price of $15 was a steal - a bargain - a no-brainer. And then I realized how much pantry space is actually required to house that shit. To this day, I can't help but buy 179 packs of fruit snacks along with a 6 pack of brownie mix. But I have admitted the problem, which is the first step, so there is light at the end of my tunnel. Or so I'd like to believe.
I have come to recognize that Amazon may be much more of the sketchy pusher. Have you ever noticed that the "Amazon's Choice" products often times are in bulk? And although you don't have the need for 4 white t-shirts, you buy them anyway, because, well, if it's good enough for Amazon, the world's authority on retail, then it is good enough for me.
That being said, let's get real here; my entire life is bought on Amazon. There are packages on my doorstep every day. Every. Single. Day. This is in no way an exaggeration. I literally placed an order for a pack of 2 pens once - and got it delivered 2 days later. I could have driven to Office Depot and just bought the effing things and been done. But that would mean walking into a store, and who the hell has time for that anymore. Instead UPS gets to visit my doorstep daily and get barked at by my dog. Every. Single. Day. But this frequency makes me feel like I should be far more savvy than I am when it comes to falling into the Prime trap. Apparently not.
My most recent endeavor was to buy all the supplies for my daughter's 100 day T-Shirt. Now, this is about the most basic concept in the universe - decorate a T-Shirt with 100 items, and wear them on the 100th day. Cool! I can get on board with that (famous last words - chances are there will be a blog post about that experience after this weekend when we do it). But nonetheless, we're on it.
Thanks to the creative jump from Pinterest, my daughter decided she wanted to make a rainbow out of jewels and buttons. Sweet. So let's go find some jewels and buttons. Now, you must remember, this shirt needs only 100 items on it. Here is what I ended up with:
For those of you that may be math challenged, I have now purchased 1,470 pieces of glueable flare to complete a 100 piece t-shirt. OH, and I needed a few more glue sticks, so I will now have 200 - which should last me until I am 117 years old. Why!!! WHY?!? Why? Because how can you say no to 870 rainbow buttons for $8.99? And to top it off, I can now bedazzle every single pillow, cushion, brush, frame, jacket, shoe and gym bag in my house - with some to spare for the even lower price of $7.79. Shipped for free to my home, just in time for us to host the t-shirt creation gathering with our friends. Isn't that AWESOME?!?
No. That shit is stupid. I will never bedazzle anything, ever. WTF am I going to do with 800 fucking buttons? I don't sew. And what about 500 plastic jewels? 500 chocking hazards that will most likely be consumed by my fucking retarded dog, resulting in my need to pick up pink bedazzled shit in a couple weeks. The rest of the pieces I am going to stuff in a closet and they will clutter my house with all the other crap I buy in bulk.
Fuck rehab for drugs - I was the tidiest MO-FO on the planet when I was on drugs. I need rehab for Bulk Shopping. If anyone knows of a nice beach side facility for that, save me a spot...I'll bedazzle your shower kit for free.
Foul mouthed, outspoken and pretty much an eternal realist.